Books
The Perfectionist’s Dilemma
Learn the Art of Self-Compassion and Become a Happy Achiever
In today’s high-pressure society, we are constantly fed a fable of individualism, exceptionalism, determination, and ingenuity, and taught a mythology of grin and bear it, no pain no gain, and hard work pays off, despite the fact that the conditions for success are unpredictable and ever changing.
Psychologist Tara Cousineau claims that perfectionism is a paradox: It is the tension created by the need for belonging, a desire for excellence, and a quest for a meaningful and productive life. But perfectionism can be transformed by learning to connect both head and heart, replacing inner algorithms of comparison and criticism with self-acceptance and self-compassion.
In The Perfectionist’s Dilemma, Cousineau introduces an innovative six-step solution based on the acronym EVOLVE:
Embody the present moment
Validate your experience
Open your heart
Love your inner critic
Make a Vow
Spark Energies of excellence
To help readers overcome perfectionism and cultivate three essential resources—inner worth, inner humanity and inner leadership. Through storytelling and anecdotes from recovering perfectionists who have participated in Cousineau’s workshops, readers can learn to align mind, body, heart, and spirit—to become happy achievers.
“Tara Cousineau’s perfectionism has paid off! First, she has normalized perfectionism. It is a drive in all of us. Most importantly, she is masterful in showing readers how to harness this natural force so your life will be more balanced, happier, and more successful – as close to perfect as wise guidance is likely to bring you.”
—Donna Eden and David Feinstein, Ph.D., co-authors of Energy Medicine: Balancing Your Body’s Energies for Optimal Health, Joy and Vitality
“Whether you think of perfectionism as a badge or a burden, it’s not doing us any favors. In The Perfectionist’s Dilemma, Tara Cousineau gives us a gem of a book and what is effectively a user’s manual for anyone walking around with a nervous system. You’d expect smart and insightful from a psychologist, but what sets this book apart is its warmth, wisdom, and belief in human potential.”
—Terri Trespicio, author, Unfollow Your Passion: How to Create a Life that Matters to You
“The Perfectionist’s Dilemma offers a transformative guide on overcoming perfectionism. By weaving self-compassion, self-acceptance, and resilience, the author provides a practical guide to embracing imperfection and finding true fulfillment. A must-read for anyone seeking balance in a perfection-driven world.”
—James R. Doty, M.D., founder & director of the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and New York Times bestselling author of Into the Magic Shop: A Neurosurgeon’s Quest to Discover the Mysteries of the Brain and the Secrets of the Heart and Mind Magic: The Neuroscience of Manifestation and How It Changes Everything
“Dr. Tara Cousineau cares deeply about her clients and equally those seeking as her readers. She wants to help you to open your heart, to love abundantly, and foremost find vitality and meaning in this precious journey of life. Dr. Cousineau helps to make a transition from empty achievement to a vibrant sense of contribution.”
—Lisa Miller, Ph.D., Professor, Columbia University and author of The Awakened Brain: The New Science of Spirituality and Our Quest for an Inspired Life
“This beautiful book imparts diverse insights about perfectionism, weaving together clinical psychology and neuroscience, to help people overcome their harsh inner critic and develop a greater sense of self-compassion. Offering rigorous science and powerful tools, this book has the power to transform our individual and collective lives. Highly recommend!”
—Shauna Shapiro, author of Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices to Rewire Your Brain For Calm, Clarity, and Joy
"A phenomenal, must-read book for any of us who struggle with perfectionism. Brilliantly integrating psychology, neuroscience, energy psychology, mindfulness, self-compassion research, and more, this book offers a unique framework for understanding the roots of perfectionism and how to work with it. Skillfully and with clear guidance, wisdom, compelling stories and a multitude of enriching mind-body practices, Dr. Cousineau shows us how to listen inwardly, loosen the grip of perfectionism’s grasp, befriend and care for our inner critic, and transform old, protective patterns to experience ease, wholeness and joy in this human life."
— Beth Kurland, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of You Don’t Need to Change to Change Everything: Six Ways to Shift Your Vantage Point, Stop Striving for Happy, and Find True Well-Being
The Kindness Cure
How the Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart & Your World
Compassion for ourselves and others is our birthright as humans—hardwired into us and essential to our happiness. It can be easy to lose sight of this truth in a world that’s also full of selfishness and cruelty. In The Kindness Cure, psychologist Tara Cousineau draws on cutting-edge research in psychology and neuroscience to teach the reader simple practices of kindness—for ourselves, for our friends and family, for our society, and for our world—that can dissolve our feelings of fear and our habits of indifference, and open us to a life of profound happiness.
What others are saying about The Kindness Cure
An exceptional read for anyone who dismays of mean-spiritedness and who wants to make a difference.
~Library Journal, an American trade publication for the library community
Grounded in solid research, this book is heartfelt, funny, and so helpful, with tons of practical suggestions and effective tools. Sharp, insightful, and right to the point, Dr. Cousineau shows us how live from a strong heart. Highly recommended.
~Rick Hanson, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author, Hardwiring Happiness and Buddha’s Brain
A lovely book, replete with simple kindness and full of reminders of how to enjoy and embody a kindful life.
~Jack Kornfield, author of The Wise Heart; The Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life; and The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness and Peace
This is a wonderful book that focuses on kindness, bringing in work from a variety of different disciplines. If you want to learn to bring more kindness into your life, this book is a good place to start.
~Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Tara’s understanding of kindness goes beyond her natural human ability to care. Through science-based interventions and a practiced ability to teach, Tara’s work has helped countless people to be more kind to each other and, more importantly, themselves.
~Alexandra Jamieson, Co-Creator, Super Size Me; Author, Women, Food, and Desire
For many years Tara Cousineau, Ph.D., has shared her message about the power of kindness and compassion to lift others out of the distress and despair of every- day living: from daily hassles to wrestling with inner feelings of low self-worth, and sense of disconnection. Putting her message into a book about our innate ability to care and be kind and how to nurture this capacity is timely and much needed. I, for one, would welcome it as a resource for clients and colleagues.
~Nancy Etcoff Ph.D., author of Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty, Assistant Clinical Professor; Psychologist at Harvard Medical School and the Massachusetts General Hospital Department of Psychiatry. Director of Programs in Aesthetics and Well Being
Using practical techniques supported by research, Tara offers simple yet powerful exercises that reconnect us to qualities of compassion and kindness, and in the process, incline our minds and hearts to dwell in these states more naturally. The Kindness Cure gives us carefully considered, warmly delivered keys to a deeper experience of kindness and connectedness.
~Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Happiness and Real Love
Dr. Tara Cousineau has created a ground-breaking beautifully written book on kindness. It is a forgotten concept but one which is vital for our health and well-being, especially in the times we live in now. This important book contains up to date scientifically-based information, effective strategies for incorporating or reintroducing kindness into our lives, with enough personal and patient anecdotes to keep the reader interested and motivated. Even though I have been a therapist for 30 years and thought I knew a bit about kindness, reading this book truly challenged me to create more ways to incorporate more into my life, with my patients, my family and friends, and myself.
~Alice Domar, PhD, Live A Little (with Susan Love MD), Be Happy without Being Perfect, Self-Nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself As Effectively As You Care for Everyone Else