Self-Compassion 101 | Befriending The Inner Critic
Part 3 in a Series of 5 Articles on Self-Compassion
The truth of the matter is there is no good reason not to cultivate self-compassion. Research consistently shows that self-compassion acts as a buffer against life’s stressors, helping to alleviate depression, anxiety, chronic pain, low self-esteem, poor body image, insomnia, migraines, and even symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Self-compassion practices help soften distress, regulate the nervous system, and support overall well-being.
Of course, when it comes to being kinder to yourself, students often say, “But that’s really hard.” And it is! But what if I told you that every time you practice self-compassion, you’re retraining your nervous system? You’re rewiring your brain, creating new neural pathways that make self-kindness more natural over time. It’s like learning a new language—you may stumble at first, but with consistent practice, fluency follows.
This is especially important for students facing academic pressures or people in high performance situations. Studies show that self-compassion helps mitigate burnout and fosters a love of learning, even in difficult moments. It also reduces fear of failure, making students more resilient. Since college students are particularly prone to anxiety and self-doubt, often amplified by social media and social comparisons, cultivating self-compassion is one of the best tools they can develop.
The Inner Critic and Self-Compassion
In my workshops, Befriending the Inner Critic and Overcoming Perfectionism through Self-Compassion, I work with students on navigating the constant stream of self-criticism. That critical voice—the one that whispers, “You’re not smart enough,” “You’re a fraud,” “Everyone else has it figured out”—is familiar to most of us. While it can feel harsh, it often develops as a way to keep us on track or protect us from perceived failure. However, instead of motivating, it often leaves us feeling drained, anxious, or stuck.
A helpful exercise involves writing down your inner critic’s common phrases. Then, ask yourself: Is there any way this voice is trying to help me? Often, students realize that their inner critic is attempting to push them forward—but in a way that makes them feel terrible.
To soften this voice, give it a name. Some students call theirs Judge Judy, the Mean Coach, or FOMO. Naming the inner critic helps create distance from it. The next step is cultivating a kinder, more compassionate voice—one that speaks to the inner critic with understanding rather than aggression. Imagine your inner critic as an insolent child or teenager needing attention, affection, connection, understanding or validation. Now is your chance to care for that part and learn what it is afraid of.
Unlike generic affirmations that can feel forced (toxic positivity), personal affirmations that address your type of inner critic directly are more effective. One student told me he called the overwhelmed part of him Lost Boy. In moments of doubt he reminded himself, “Be steady” and “This too shall pass.” These simple phrases helped him navigate tough days as if he were sailing on the high seas with a telescope. The key is to find words that resonate personally.
If self-kindness feels difficult, try an “even though” statement:
Even though I’m struggling right now, I accept myself
Even though I feel lost, I trust that I’ll figure things out in time.
Even though I’m having a hard time, I deserve kindness.
This approach acknowledges reality while making space for self-compassion.
Looking Ahead
When first learning self-compassion, many people struggle to put it into practice. They may understand it intellectually but resist it emotionally. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. We’ll explore that understandable resistance next.
More from the Self-Compassion 101 Series
Part 1: What is Self-Compassion?
Part 2: Building Self-Compassion Into Daily Life
Part 4: Overcoming Resistance to Being Kind to Yourself
Part 5: The Power of Loving-Kindness Meditation (Audio)
Illustration Image Credit: stellalevi